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| NEW UPDATE! COMMENT, SUB, AND ENJOY FOLLOW MY PERSONAL TUMBLR! - http://jaayx.tumblr.com/ __________________________________ Whatever poisons in this bottle will leave me broken sore and stiff,
but it's the genie at the bottom who I'm sucking at, he owes me one last wish.
So here's a present to let you know I still exist.
I hope the next girl you kiss has something terribly contagious on her lips.
But I got a plan, drink for forty days and forty nights.
A sip for every second-hand tick.
And for every time you fed me the line "You mean so much to me."
I'm without you.
And even if your plane crashes tonight, you'll still find some way to disappoint me.
By not burning in the wreckage or drowning at the bottom of the sea.
It's 8:45 and the weather is getting better by the hour, I hope it rains there all the time.
And if you ever said you miss me, then don't say you never lied. 
My heart, it feels like my chest can barely contain it. Like it's trying to escape because it doesn't belong to me any more. It belongs to you, and if you wanted it, I'd wish for nothing in exchange - No gifts. No goods. No demonstrations of devotion. Nothing but knowing you loved me too. Just your heart, in exchange for mine. Come pick me up. Take me out. Fuck me up.
Steal my records. Screw all my friends.
Their all full of shit. With a smile on your face.
And then do it again. I wish you would. Complete and total adoration, my gift to you, my heart was yours.
In ten weeks you shaped it. In one night you murdered it.
Torn from my chest and laid at your feet, that first step you took was the worst.
Since then, you've walked a thousand miles in solace and short remark,
and I still have these memories, but will never see what we could have been.
Remember when we talked about where we'd be a year from now?
Remember when you held my hand like you'd never let it go?
Remember, cause thats all you can do.
We'll never make another memory.
I wish I would have died in your arms the last time we were together,
so I wouldn't have to wake without you today.
This time I thought things were real, you said they were. What happened?
You were a priority, was I an option?
I let you see a side of me that I don't share with anyone.
Promises are just words unless they are fulfilled.
You knew from the beginning all I had to offer you was my heart,
I'm sorry that wasn't enough.
So, we'll go our own ways, and hopefully you'll remember the things I told you.
Hopefully you'll understand that everything I said was in sincerity.
A broken heart is not what I wanted from this, but I guess I've learned from it.
But aren't you supposed to learn from your mistakes?
I don't consider this a mistake, I just wish the story didn't end this way.
Cause I'm still in love with the person who helped me write it.  Rainy days and sorrow drowned roads, you're everywhere I go.
In the faces of strangers. On the boardwalk. Down by the harbor. In the ripped waves.
I feel you in the stars on a cold night, you're everywhere but here. There were so many of us who would have to live with things done and things left undone that day. Things that did not go right- things that seemed okay at the time because we could not see the future. If only we could see the endless string of consequences that result from our smallest actions, but we can't know better until knowing better is useless. Its been almost two months without you in my reach, and the only time Ive touched you is in my sleep. But time has changed nothing at all, you're still the only one that feels like home. 
i hope you hurt like hell one night soon, while you're laying in your bed all alone because your new girl wasnt all you thought she was. i hope you lay there, thinking of me, and all that you gave up when you pushed me away. i hope you remember the way you treated me, like i never meant anything to you at all.
I think what hurts the most, is when you give your all to someone. Through thick and thin, you’re there for them. You stick with them, no matter what. Then one day…they just give up on you. They won’t even fight for you. The one thing you would never have done, they did with no hesitation.
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| feel your fire, when it's cold in my heart. and things sorta start reminding me of my last night with you. i only need one more day, just one more chance to say i wish that i had gone up with you too. and i'm sure the view from heaven beats the hell out of mine here. and if we all believe in heaven, maybe we'll make it through one more year down here. 
it's okay to be angry and never let go. it only gets harder the more that you know. when you get lonely, if no one's around, you know that i'll catch you when you're falling down. we came together, but you left alone. and i know how it feels to walk out on your own. maybe someday i will see you again, and you'll look me in my eyes and call me your friend.
broken this fragile thing now and i can't, i can't pick up the pieces. and i've thrown my words all around but i can't, i can't give you a reason. i feel so broken up, and i give up. i just want to tell you so you know. here i go, scream my lungs out and try to get to you. you are my only one. i let go, there's just no one that gets me like you do. you are my only, my only one. i'm just so tired, wont you sing me to sleep? and fly through my dreams so i can hitch a ride with you tonight and get away from this place; have a new name and face. i just aint the same without you in my life. So how did you get here under my skin? I swore I'd never let you back in. Should have known better than trying to let you go, because here we go again. 
i wish i could be somebody else; wish i could see you in myself; wish there was something inside me, to keep you beside me. and say what you really feel, you know i need something that's real. i wish there was something inside me to keep you beside me. i remember the look in your eyes when i told you that this was goodbye. you were begging me not tonight, not here, not now. we're looking up at the same night sky and keep pretending the sun will not rise. we'll be together for one more night somewhere, somehow. How can I stand here with you, and not be moved by you? Would You tell me how could it be any better than this? You calm the storms and you give me rest. You hold me in your hands; you won't let me fall. You steal my heart and you take my breath away. Sometimes I just feel so lost, so out of place. You know what I mean? Like when you wake up in the morning, but you feel more at home when you’re asleep. When you go to places you’ve gone your entire life, and you look around at everyone and realize that you’re somewhere you don’t belong. When you’re driving down these roads, wondering if twenty years from now you’ll still be driving these same roads. Sometimes when we become too lost, we fear every move we make. Because more often than not, those who are lost do not know where they are going, or even why they are going; they just know they have to keep on going. And when things have been going wrong for too long, they feel there is something being done wrong, so they travel in circles. Relapse after relapse. Right turn, wrong turn. Another right turn, but another wrong one. They are in search of something to fill the empty space in their heart from the absence of something that was lost. And most of the time we find ourselves lost merely because we are just looking for that something that is long gone. 
"You get a strange feeling when you're about to leave a place, I told him, like you'll not only miss the people you love but you'll miss the person you are now at this time and this place, because you'll never be this way ever again." he kept her picture on his wall, went half-crazy now & then. he still loved her through it all, hoping she`d come back again. and now I'm singing,"baby don't worry, 'cause now I've got your back. and everytime you feel like crying I'm gonna try and make you laugh. and if you can't, if it just hurts too bad, then we'll wait for it to pass. and I will keep you company through those days so long and black." 
She smokes like there's no tomorrow. She says it makes her feel alive. She drinks her wine like water because she feels dry inside. She drives her car like it's a bullet. She says that time is slipping away. She never thinks about her future. It's a million miles away.
It seems like the simplest concept: Just push everyone away, and you'll never get hurt. However, the simplest isn't always the most effective. Someday, someone is going to find their way in, and they're going to leave you on your knees. Sometimes you just feel empty, lonely, insignificant. And it doesn't matter what you do, no it doesn't matterhow many laps you run, musicals you join, classes youskip or how many pairs of shoes you buy. You still feel like crap. Sometimes I just feel like taking off, selling everything I own and running away to somewhere so distant; running away to the unknown. But if I did, I just want to know, would you take my hand and run with me? You can't waste time over missing something in the past. Life changes, people grow up and grow apart, and you accept that. Yet you still can't stop thinking of how good it used to be; afraid you'd never experience it again, afraid you've already lived it and already lost it.  _______________________________________ more sooon, comment and sub.. glad to be back<3 follow me on tumblr ; http://jaayx.tumblr.com/
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| FINALLY BACK! FOLLOW ME ON TUMBLR - http://jaayx.tumblr.com/ 
Your words are cold, and the season is too,
The comfort in your voice is gone.
Don't keep in touch, I'm better off all alone.
You've lost everything that I've loved And you're in the bathroom brushing your teeth but you can't scrub the taste of him out of your mouth and no matter how many times you wash your shirt you know his smell will linger there forever. 
If I find my way through the darkest of days,
Will I laugh about the things that kept me awake?
But if my greatest fear paints itself so crystal clear,
Will I run away or will I hide? Grief? I'll tell you about grief and a pain so bad, you think you will die from it. So horrible, you didn't imagine it could exist. Pain that hurts without any visible wound. But it lashes you to bed, it won't let you move, it reduces your imagination to an endless series of replaying images. 
don't forget the songs that made you cry
or the songs that saved your life Your arms are the very structure of what I call home.
The sound of your heart is the sweetest serenade.
I cannot describe how beautiful it is,
to feel the very thing that keeps you alive beat against my chest. 
And now we are inches away, but we're miles apart, so I'll dream of the day and how we felt at the start.
But dreams don't come easy these days, and the colors, they fade into grays. Caught forever on paper torn tethered, time sends it's regards from pictures that never saw the light of day. Just tucked in a box and hoarded away so that eyes could never gaze upon faces of old memories that I had longed to hold, so hold me now that I am not strong enough to hold myself. I am old enough now to know better than to bare my cross alone. 
I've given a lot of thought to the nights we used to have. Those days have come and gone, our lives went by so fast. I faintly remember breathing on your bedroom floor, where I laid I told you, but you always swore you loved me more. I am not sad, she would repeat to herself over and over, I am not sad. As if she might one day convince herself. Or fool herself. Or convince others- the only thing worse then being sad is for others to know that you are sad. I am not sad, I am not sad. Because her life had unlimited potential for happiness, insofar as it was an empty white room. She would fall asleep with her heart at the foot of her bed, like some domesticated animal that was no part of her at all. And each morning she would wake with it again in the cupboard of her rib cage, having become a little heavier, a little weaker, but still pumping. And by mid afternoon, she was again overcome with the desire to be somewhere else, somewhere else, somewhere else, somewhere else.
I am not sad. 
If you had it to do over would you do it over again,
Cause I would, this meant something more to me
There's a hole in my heart where you used to be "It sinks into our bones late at night when the stars shine to remind us they are just one more thing we will never grasp with our empty hands. You were so quiet on the drive home, the distance between present and future seemed to stretch endlessly on the road before us. But then you turned to me at a stoplight and took my face in your hands and whispered the words that close distance like a flame that goes out before it's ready. Soon distance will separate us again but it will always be your fingers on my jawline and those three words that will bring me back home." 
"I miss you in a way that tempting boys can't replace. Several lips have found mine since yours but, none were ever worth a chase. Call me pathetic, at least I'm on your mind. My dad says I'm too good for you and my little sister wishes you were still around so she could try to impress you. My mom says we were good together and I'm still looking for that mistake that made us unwind. I know you would be proud of me because we always spoke of the dreams I'm living. I hope you're doing fine and I don't find you pathetic but, you're still always on my mind." "We mouthed the words to all of the saddest songs because they felt like home. And I watched you out of the corner of my eye and that smile you gave me launched one thousand beats of my heart. So, you can lean a little harder and I will take that weight from you, I will be that call in the middle of the night, the picture kept in your favorite book. And if you just want someone to call yours, I will be that too. I was just looking for someone to leave me breathless and I found it in you. And I don't want to miss you anymore. So here is one song to call your own, to kiss away the tears and leave no traces of pain. So angelic and comforting, these are my dreams all coming true. And I must have played that message one thousand times just to hear your voice before I went to sleep." 
"I watch as the light slides across your face, highlighting every skin cell, showing only good as my mind airbrushes away the blemishes of youth and the hardness of your crystal blue eyes. My mind focuses my eyes to see only you, building you up and creating a relationship that nether of us will ever experience. For weeks that turn to months I live with you, glazed over my pupils. I fall asleep hoping that your mind strays to me. I see you in everything." "How you kissed me when I was in the middle of saying something,
there's not a day I don't miss those rude interruptions." ________________________ comment and subscribe <3
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things that make life worth living:
Falling in love. Hearing your favorite song on the radio. Lying in bed listening to the rain outside. Milkshakes. Bubble baths. Blasting music. Long conversations late at night. The beach. Running through sprinklers. Laughing at an inside joke. Laughing at yourself. Laughing so hard your stomach hurts. Laughing for absolutely no reason at all. Just plain laughing. Having someone tell you that you're beautiful. Friends. Family. Waking up and realizing you still have a few hours left to sleep. First kisses. Sweet dreams. Hot chocolate. Road trips with friends. Making chocolate chip cookies. Holding hands with someone you care about. Watching the sunrise. Watching a sunset. Getting out of bed in the morning after sleeping in,and looking out the window to see it's sunny. Knowing that somebody misses you.
Even with the distance, slowly wearing at your name, your hands still catch the light the right way and our hearts still beat the same.
I would love to meet people that have their mind straight and don't bring any problems into my life. I want to meet more people that think about the same things as I do. Most of all I want to meet more people with good hearts and good brains.
I wish you knew how much this hurts. How every second of every day im holding my stomache and fighting back tears. Just for one day, I wish you could feel how I felt and maybe you'd change your mind.
I love that feeling. You know, the one you get when you take a deep breath and suddenly everything feels like it's going to be okay. When you're hopeless as can be, and life is going nowhere, there's those moments we have every now and then where we just stop, and we get this feeling, that can't be described, but you just.. you just feel like everything really is going to be okay. Like the world stopped spinning for a second, and everything was clear. I need more of those moments.
One day you’ll realize, in a moment of sweet chaos, wild hearts aren’t meant to be tamed. And that old photograph you saved in the back of your desk drawer, blurred around the edges because I could never sit still, will break your heart in two. I filled your world with life and you filled mine with light. Together, we were invincible.
Sometimes you just feel everything and nothing all at once. Sometimes you'll find yourself smiling while missing something at the same time. At times you can absolutely love a person, all the while wanting to hate them. Life comes without guarantees. Except that smiling will brighten your face, laughing will enhance your eyes, && falling in love will change your life.
You know what's funny? Those things you did when we were together that would always piss me off are the things that I miss the most. You know, when you'd never stop talking when I was trying to watch a movie, or how you would always be a smartass. Or how about all those times when you insisted you loved me more. When you'd playfully make fun of me for saying something wrong, or when you'd pick me up and carry me and throw me into the water. And when you'd call me later than you were supposed to. Those are the thing I want back. It's wierd, I used to think that when I was apart from you, I'd be glad I wouldn't have to put up with them. But now, those are the things I miss most.
What I want is to be needed. What I need is to be indispensable to somebody. Who I need is somebody that will eat up all my free time, my ego, my attention. Somebody addicted to me. A mutual addiction. -Chuck Palahniuk
Everybody is always so fucking "fine". But we are not. Sometimes we are hurt, and bruised and nearly completely shattered. And this, sir, is not what one calls fine.
For instance I've seen that you're one of maybe three people in the world that likes pizza flavoured chips... you're also the only person that I've seen spend more time on the roof of their house than in her actual house... or what you do when you're reading books, not us weekly, or teen but you are reading substantial books. You also do this thing, it's like an OCD thing, but it's not. Whenever you are leaving your room, you grab the doorknob and you are ready to leave but you don't... and you back up and turn and stare at yourself, but it's not like an "I'm so hot" stare, it's more like a "Who am I, really?" and it's just so cool. And then when you look out your window, but you don't look at people, you look at the world and you try to figure our and understand the world and why it's not in order like your books. But I'm only looking at you.- Disturbia
You've taught me and showed me many things. You've taught me I can love, that people can care about me. You showed me the feeling of being in someone's arms when they mean the world to you. The feeling of compassion. So many wonderful things. Thank you for that. You've also showed me that people break promises, that people don't always hold true to their word. You've taught me that you can love someone more than anything in the world, yet hate them just as much. That just because someone says something, that doesn't mean it's true. You've showed me how bad it hurts to have the guy you love and thought loved you push you away and treat you as if you are worthless. You've showed me wonderful things just as well as horrible things. I do thank you for both. You've now prepared me for the harsh world I am entering. People who say they care, but don't always. Thank you for teaching me early.
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more quotes soon!
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jayx. whisper words of wisdom, "let it be."
